Focusing my Prayers

Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the number of things I could be praying for/about that it renders me apprehensive to even try. Or if I do try it’s more of a “blanket” prayer for lots of things. I have certainly tried making lists from time to time, only to end up with an entire page of people/topics/things to pray for because I feel “bad” leaving out anything that comes to mind. When I start trying to pray through the list I find that it takes way too long, or I start getting distracted, and then really, am I talking to my heavenly Father or just reading a list?  I try to break a long list up throughout the week, but I’m not nearly organized enough to follow it, so I end up praying for some things and not others..forgetting to pray at all on some days. I then think, does it even matter? Does it matter if I pray for this person or that, or does it just matter that I am daily talking with the Lord? Well, yes, I do believe that to be true. I believe that God wants us to be in constant conversation, and He isn’t concerned with perfectly followed and inclusive lists…but I also believe what we pray about and how we do it matters. I think I should be praying for things that Jesus has brought into my life for me to care about, namely: my own family, my husband, my son, my church and community, my friends, and certain “issues” or topics in the world important to me. The needs in that list alone could fill pages, it would be hard, even impossible for me to bring to the Lord people, and matters that stretch beyond that list. I need to remind myself that my prayers are more for me keeping a close relationship with Jesus, letting my heart be held in his hands, than it is for actual “problems” to be solved. Prayer is about aligning my heart with the Lords, because certainly His will is to be done, and my will is to be brought in line with his, as well as my understanding and acceptance of it. I believe in the power of prayer, that is to heal and change the world and people, but I also believe in the supremacy and sovereignty of God…meaning if a miracle happens after crying out to God for it, it’s because he willed it to happen, not because I did. By being in constant conversation with my Savior, I am able to know Him more, and trust him more, and when my will doesn’t alight with His, I am in a place where it is easier for me to see and understand more clearly that His will was the most excellent way even if it doesn’t seem so. These thoughts came to me as more and more I’m being confronted with prayer requests, or simply the knowledge of premature babies. Last year, I didn’t even think about the topic really, and stories of successes and loses didn’t really have an effect on me…at least not nearly as much as they do now. Now if someone asks for prayer I can’t help but stop everything I’m doing and pray. That is what I mean about praying for topics that mean something to me. For some reason, God brought this worldwide issue to the forefront of my life in a very real and personal way. There are a lot of things I could pray about, this world is broken and there is a lot of heartache out there, but I believe that now this is something that is for me to bring to the Lord. It could be how the Lord is healing my heart, by connecting me with all the others who have experienced this brokenness. It’s as if now I belong to a club, and when I see other members hurting I need to cry out to God for them. It could be God helping me through the unholy nugget of guilt I feel, that is wrapped underneath a thick blanket of thankfulness for mine and Pascal’s success story. Every time I hear a prayer request/story, I have to re-approach the idea that my fellow club member may experience a loss that I could have had but didn’t, and give that over to God because certainly trying to understand why my outcome is one way compared to anothers isn’t healthy, and isn’t trusting in Gods differing provision for each individual. I know this topic is huge, and people have different views, this is just how I digest it all. All I know is that when I hear about a tiny baby struggling for life my heart bleeds now, and I cry actual tears, and out to God. I have a huge appreciation for doctors, for the creation of life, the blessing of children, the miracle of conception, the strength of tiny humans to survive. I have an overwhelming sense of sadness over the elective taking of life within a womb having witnessed the amount of effort, love, and commitment put into saving tiny lives once they are out of the womb. I’m glad I belong to this club now, because having something to focus my prayer on has brought me closer to my daddy in heaven…it’s made me know him more and realize how very much he knows me more than myself. Its made me realize my connection to all sorts of women around the world…my fellow life carrying vessels, and made my heart tender toward their pain. Mostly though, I have a sense of peace about the fact that my Heavenly Father loves little children, that he knows them each by name, he holds them in his hand and he has a purpose for every life…those tragically lost in the womb, those lost moments outside of it, days, weeks, and 80 years later. His love will overcome evil. He has conquered the grave. Our redeemer lives. Our Hope is surely alive. 

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